Sherly
by mrs.reichenbatch
Summary: Sherlock and John both go to St Bart's university. Sherlock gets bullied and struggles to deal with it but perhaps John's arrival at the uni will be of some assistance. Contains: Triggers; Self-Harm, Suicide (possibly), Mild sex references, and possibly other things depending on how the story turns out. The rating my change but I've made it an M just in case.
1. Chapter 1

chapter 1

(Sherlock's POV)

'Today is going to be a bad day' I thought to myself as I scrubbed the blood out from between the tiles. Getting up, I looked at the bathroom floor, it was spotless so I left the room to get dressed for school.

I wore my silk purple shirt, I loved that one, I'm not sentimental but my auntie gave it to me last year, not that she loved me or anything but it seemed like a thoughtful gift. I pulled on a pair of black trousers and slid on a matching blazer. I was ready, for what? The bullying to start or to sit through 6 hours of subjects I had studied before I came to st Bart's uni?

I stared down at my cuffs making sure that nothing I didn't want to be seen, could be seen. I knew it wouldn't but still checked.

As I walked out of the room and past a mirror I noted that my hair looked especially messy, but then again my hair is very curly and I was suffering from an awful hangover.

Being a freak I didn't go to parties, ever, but I did sneak a few bottles of vodka into my room when the people on my floor were having a large party, they were too pissed to notice anything had gone missing.

I carried on walking to double chemistry, chemistry is a passion of mine but my teachers are shit, half of them don't know what they're talking about. 'Oh well' I thought and decided that I would just sit at the back on my phone as usual.

I arrived 7 minutes early, giving myself time to get situated at the back and also to avoid Sally Donovan in the hallways. Sally hates me, always has always will. Actually that isn't quite true, there was a time where Sally and I were friends...more than friends...we were a couple. She loved me for my intelligence and my ability to deduce anyone I saw. I didn't love her but it was my first year and Mycroft said I should try to make friends. Obviously it didn't last. She decided that my deductions were stupid and pointless, and that she would beat me for my stupidity.

I may be the smartest boy in my class, but I'm certainly not the most popular, in fact I'm quite the opposite. I no longer have the name Sherlock Holmes at this school just freak. I'm a freak everyone knows it even if they don't believe it.

I have a room-mate but we don't speak and hardly see each other. He tolerates me and I him but we aren't friends, I'm the freak I don't have friends.

Several students started to walk in, chatting with their friends, I began to deduce each of them for at least the hundredth time; lonely, desperate, gay, cheating on her boyfriend, Sally's bitch. Sally pretty much ran St Bart's and if you weren't her bitch you were bullied, even her boyfriend was classed as one of her bitches, at least in my mind he was.

Anderson, I frowned as I saw his long. sad face. His hair was dark and parted in the middle so that it almost covered his eyes, he was immensely ugly,even compared to me.

That's a lie, I may be a freak but I'm not a liar.

Mr Willis, the teacher walked in, late as usual. I didn't like him, he pissed me off and told me off for using my phone, it's not my bloody fault he can't teach.

He did the register and when it was over called a boy up, I didn't know the boy. I knew the sound of everyone's footsteps but I had never heard this pattern before. he was light-footed and elegant, yet I could tell he was sporty.

I looked up to see a short boy with short blonde hair and hazel eyes, he was to say the least beautiful. I'm not gay though, I've always thought of myself as asexual, but this boy was gorgeous. I could feel myself begin to blush but I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

He wore a maroon jumper and a black pair of skinny jeans, he also wore a black pair of converse. I needed to stop staring but I couldn't. unfortunately I began deducing him before I could stop myself; not rich got, he a scholarship, lives with mother, parents divorced? no, father killed in action, wants to be an army...doctor, so not keen on the whole killing thing. 'I'll ask him where his father died, no, he would never talk to me and besides, Anderson has his eye on him already, that boy, that beautiful boy will bully me till I graduate.

"Class this is john, he's new so I hope you help him settle in" the teacher scanned the room, and found what he was looking for " John you can go and sit in the seat next to Sherlock" he said pointing towards me. John, beautiful John who made me consider changing my sexuality was going to sit next to me...the freak.


	2. Chapter 2

chapter 2

(John's POV)

'Sherlock, what an odd name I thought to myself,' but then again I'd rather that than John, it's so common' I thought as the teacher told me where to sit.

I looked up to where the teacher was pointing, the very back of the class. I walked up the steps taking them two by two, when finally I sat down, getting a good look at my partner. He wore a suit, I wasn't quite sure why but he looked mean... he looked like a bully. He had icy blue eyes that looked as though they could kill. His hair was thick, dark and very curly, his skin was pale, the palest skin i had ever seen, as I looked closer I could see the faint marks of bruises around his eye and a cut that had almost healed on his lip. This wasn't obvious but I was training to become a doctor so I was supposed to be able to see this.

His sleeves were buttoned down to the cuffs, but it was nearly summer and far too warm to be wearing a shirt and blazer, I felt like I was going to melt in the jumper I was wearing but he seemed to be shivering. Perhaps it was genetic.

He was on his phone, I sneakily looked over to see who and what he was texting, much to my surprise he was texting in a different language, I think it was german or something, he was texting someone called mark, I couldn't tell what they were talking about but he had his phone quite close to his person, so obviously he didn't want anyone to see and...I could' damn it john, this poor guy doesn't want you to see this, you idiot' I scolded myself.

I took out my phone to see if I had any texts, several missed calls and a text all from Harry, I quickly locked my phone and tucked it away. I didn't need to talk to her right now.

I decided enough time had gone by and leaned over and said "hi I'm john, and you are?" I knew his name but he didn't seem very talkative and I couldn't think of something he would talk about. He looked at me as though I were crazy, I guess I was a bit, I just wanted this gorgeous man to speak, I wanted, no, I needed to hear his voice.

He replied in a smooth baritone voice" hello John, I'm Sherlock but you already knew that, you just wanted to hear my voice, correct?" and chuckled before turning back to his phone.

I sat there speechless, how could he know...how...there was no way "sorry again, how did you know I wanted to hear your voice?"

"I know a lot more than that John, you have a brother who's worried about you, but you wont go to him for help, you want to be an army doctor and your father died in action "Afghanistan or Iraq?"

Stunned I said "Afghanistan, how did you know about, well, all of that?"

He replied in his smooth, soothing voice "the way you stand says military, so you go to all of those army summer camps, your back ground on your phone is of you and an older man in uniform, obviously your father, he looked too similar to be an uncle or friend, then your brother"

"the text" I interrupted

"Yes, your phones new but you're a scholar, and can't afford to get into this phone, so it's a gift, he wants you to stay in touch but you have 12 missed calls from him so you wont let him help you, most likely because he's an alcoholic."

"How can you possibly know about the drinking" I managed to quietly stutter.

"Shot in the dark, good one though, the socket for the charger is covered in scratches, never see a sober man's phone with them, but never see and drunk's without them."

" That was astounding."

"Did i get anything wrong?" he asked taken aback by my reply.

" Yes, but only one thing, you weren't to know, Harry is short for Harriet." I almost felt guilt in saying that.

"Ah i always miss something" he seemed genuinely annoyed at himself.

" Still that was amazing" I reassured him, and it wasn't a lie.

" You really think so?"

" Yeah, it was fantastic"

"Not what people normally say" he said.

" Yeah, and what do people normally say?" I asked intrigued, if not in this way how could people react to such a magnificent representation of skills.

" Piss off" he said sadly, but I laughed to lighten the mood, he joined in too and it was lovely, his laugh was deep but a little shaky like he didn't laugh often.

When we finally stopped laughing one person started shouting"freak has a friend" and the rest of the class chorused "freak, freak" and threw scrunched up pieces of paper at the thin boy next to me. The confidence i had seen only seconds before had vanished and he sank lower in his seat, allowing me to see how thin he really was. Even through his shirt and blaze i could see the outlines of his ribs, it was shocking to say the least.


	3. Chapter 3

chapter 3

(Sherlock's POV)

Talking to john made me really happy, and I had goose bumps all over. But then the class started to throw things at me, I'm sure it made him realise how unpopular I was and how bad it would be for his reputation to hang around me.

" Oi stop it, what are you doing?" he called out to some of the kids throwing things, I looked up at him, for he was now standing, as they explained to him how big of a freak I really was.

He looked down at me pitifully and sat down again.

" They shouldn't do that, it's not right" he mumbled sounding quite angry.

" John, don't hang out with me, you seem like a nice guy and hanging out with me won't do you any good" I was sad to say this but I would feel worse if john hung out with me and got bullied as well.

"It'll make me feel good, I like you and I wanna be your friend" he grinned, and i could see it was genuine. He had made the decision, the decision to be my friend.

" Okay" I smiled at him, we stayed silent for the rest of the double lesson, it wasnt awkward though, it was comfortable.

At the end of the lesson he turned to me and asked if I had any lessons that he had, it turned out we only had art at the end of the day so he would come to my dorm and we would go together if he hadn't found any new friends, which I sincerely hoped he would.

We walked out together, I went to my room and he went to his. Untill art I had no lessons so I decided to make a trip to go see mark.

When I had got my wallet and gotten rid of my bag, I went to the back of the building and climbed over the wall, it was quite high but my height made it easier to climb over.

When I got to the main road I hailed a cab that took me to Mark's. The journey took 24 minutes because of traffic, I paid the cabby and got out.

"Sherlock, good to see you man" the shorter man exclaimed.

"Is Mark around Josh it's just I was hoping I could see him he promised me a new batch."

"I did Sherlock, yes I did" Mark said as he slipped out of the dark corner " I'm glad you turned up" he said leading me into the corner he had just come from.

We sat down on a leather sofa, I couldn't make out the colour but it was nice enough. He put his hand on my knee and leaned over giving me a peck on the cheek and ran his fingers through my hair, I wasn't sexually attracted to mark but i liked to keep my dealer happy, it was such a hassle trying to find a new one especially with Mycroft constantly upping his surveillance.

Josh came over and Mark sat up, he was handed a bag of white powder. " sorry Sherlock I've ordered some syringes but they haven't arrived yet so you'll have to do lines for the time being."

Mark was right but I was craving and if I didn't get high now I wouldn't be able to function.

An hour later I realised I didn't have long until art and decided to get back to St Bart's. Mark understood and let me go, I paid him and left. Once again when I got to the main road and hailed a cab to take me back to St Bart's. I felt amazing, and I didn't feel the need to analyse everything, being high was a form of escape, escape from who I really was, that's probably why I got drunk and high so often. But when I couldn't get anything I cut, deep enough for it to feel sore, but not too deep as to kill myself or pass out. I wouldn't call it self harm, but that's what it was, but my reason wasn't like other people's, it used to be that I was bullied and home troubles, that stopped a while ago.

Now I cut to escape, to not be bored, to have control.

I was back at St Bart's before I knew it, I must have retreated into my mind palace.

I stepped out of the cab, paid the driver and climbed over the wall round the back of the school.


	4. Chapter 4

chapter 4

(John's POV)

After chemistry I had anatomy and a free period, I used it settling into my room, my room-mate was some guy called Anderson, I hadn't met him yet, but he sounded like a weirdo and on his side of the room he had posters of gorillas and orangutans, what kind of 19 year old does that.

I put up a poster of the periodic table, yeah it made me look like a nerd, but I was shit at studying and with that next to my bed I couldn't not notice it so I was sure to learn it sooner or later.

I couldn't stop thinking about Sherlock though, I was straight or maybe I was bisexual, i didn't know, but Sherlock was hot so maybe I wasn't straight seeing as I looked at him like I had some of my old girlfriends, the ones I really liked, so maybe I really liked Sherlock, only time would tell.

It was lunch so I went down to the cafeteria to get a sandwich I expected to see Sherlock but I didn't, and as I didn't have any friends I just took the food up to my room.

I sat on my bed in the dark because I couldn't be bothered to turn the light on, it was just too far away (okay, I was too lazy to get up and turn it on). The sandwich was awful so I decided to believe that's why hadn't seen Sherlock getting food, but something was off, maybe it was an eating disorder. I had so many questions but I didn't know how to ask them, maybe in art I would pluck up the courage to ask him why he was bullied, or why he was so skinny, or that he wore such warm clothes in spring or why he was so pale. I wouldn't ask them all at once but maybe one day I would know the answers to all the questions I had to ask him but for now I would stick to just getting to know Sherlock before harassing the shit out of him with questions.

It neared the end of lunch and in walked Anderson " hi John I was in chemistry with you, it's nice to meet you" he said reaching out to shake my hand, I took it, but quickly pulled away realizing he was one of the people who were making fun of Sherlock in chemistry. he noticed how hostile I was " what's up mate?"

"Why are you so horrible to Sherlock?" I asked coldly.

" He's a freak, always has been always will be" he replied casually.

" Your so horrible, I've got to get to class but tonight explain to me why you think he's a freak, okay?"

Almost scared he mumbled " yeah okay, well talk."

I walked off towards Sherlock's room, I knocked three times " who is it?" he called, it was muffled but I could tell what he was saying.

"John" I called back, I heard a thud and what sounded like plates smashing and "oh shit" came from inside.

"Is everything alright?" I asked slightly worried, but Sherlock quickly opened the door, but his body covered what I assumed to be a mess of a room.

"Shall we be on our way?" he seemed awfully happy so I decided to join in with his happy mood.

"Yeah let's go" I was happy until I looked into his eyes and it was as though his pupils had exploded, he was high. Sherlock, a genius, and bloody beautiful man, a junkie.

I was horrified but didn't want to let it show, from what I knew he was always sad, so if this was what made him happy then it would have to do, for now.


	5. Chapter 5

**chapter 5**

**(Sherlock's POV)**

I was laying on the floor in the kitchen embracing the high...three knocks and then John's voice, he had come. I got up quickly but fell over, in a desperate attempt to tidy the room, I dumped the dishes into the sink and threw things all over the place, I soon realised nothing could be done to fix the pig sty of a room so I just left with John.

He looked right into my eyes and became sad at the sight of my pupils he tried not to show it, but Sherlock Holmes misses nothing, even when he's high.

We walked to art in silence, I knew he had things to ask but I didn't want to tell him just yet, he would probably run a mile if he knew the truth.

We arrived at the room and I led him down the stairs into it. He asked me what I was working on so I gestured to a piece of work on an easel at the back of the class, I had covered it when it had dried because it wasn't finished and I didn't want anyone to see it in case they made fun of it. Art was a personal subject for me, I didn't want to pursue a career in art but I enjoyed it immensely. My mother had painted when I was a child, but stopped when my father's addiction got out of hand and she had to stay with him when she could to make sure he didn't do anything. I still feel guilty because he hurt her instead of me and I was the one who deserved it.

**(John's POV)**

In the art room Sherlock showed me his work, it was amazing. The background was blood-red, and the foreground was his violin, I knew it was his because I had seen it in the corner of the room before we left for art. I knew Sherlock was a genius, but he was so talented, I had to hold back tears because I could see how personal it was to him.

**(Sherlock's POV)**

John put his hand on the low of my back, I quivered slightly but soon relaxed. I think he meant to comfort me but it didn't work very well, just made me...exited.

We walked over to get him a canvas then to get some paint, I was surprised to see how quickly he chose his colours and didn't know what he was going to paint, yet it took me ages and I knew exactly what I planned on painting.

There weren't many students in the art room so we were able to talk freely, as I thought about the questions he would ask, I saw him trying to form words but then quickly changing his mind.

"You have questions" I instantly regretted saying this but I didn't like to see John tormented by the questions he needed the answers to.

John looked up to me " um yeah" he took a deep breath, supposedly trying to pick a question to ask first." err...why do people call you a freak and um... bully you?"

"I went out with Sally Donovan for a while then she started to not like me and the rest of the people joined in I guess" this was a lie, it was because I was a freak and always would be. For some reason my reply made John sad.

"Okay... do you eat, or are you just skinny, or is it an eating disorder?"

I was a little surprised by this, I knew I was thin, prominent cheek bones don't lie, but not so much that John would consider eating disorders, though it was true." I've suffered from anorexia and bulimia in the past, and well I'm better now, but food has never really been a necessity for me" I gave a sad smile, I didn't mean to but it made me sad.

"It's okay I understand, my mum has been anorexic most of her life, so I've seen first hand how hard it can be to get over" he flashed a grin.

"How about your complexion, like you are the palest person I've ever seen"

Not knowing whether to tell John about my drug habits or not I said " I can't answer that yet, maybe one day though" this put a worried look on his face "don't worry" I assured him.

"Okay just one more...for now...what's with the warm clothes in summer thing eh?"

I looked around cautiously and without noticing began to tug at the cuff of my left sleeve, John noted this and put a hand on my shoulder. looking into my eyes he said " It's okay you can tell when you feel ready" he smiled again and I blushed forcing my head down, he thought it was shame but I was just embarrassed that my emotions could be so easily let out.


	6. Chapter 6

chapter 6

(John's POV)

I think Sherlock was happy to open up but I was still a little worried about the other things, he was definitely hiding something, I wouldn't rush him though. I felt guilty for asking all those questions at once, although it was better I knew what I was getting into.

I couldn't stop thinking about what he could be hiding, perhaps he was dying, no, I wouldn't think like that. I would let Sherlock tell me when he was ready.

We left the art room together after tidying up. My room was closer to the art rooms than his, so we parted there. We didn't say much, he seemed to be deep in thought, no wonder, he had just opened up to a complete stranger...more or less.

I walked into my room saying goodbye and he nodded in acknowledgement, he started towards his room before quickly turning, his mouth opened as if to say something, but no words came out. He turned and left, I flushed bright pink, The Great Sherlock Holmes lost for words, and I the boy who did that to him. Did that make me special, probably not, but I liked to think so.

I didn't go to dinner that night, the food was horrible so I just went to the cupboard in our room. 'Cheerios' that was it, no soup or pasta, I checked the fridge, it was completely empty. I would go shopping over the weekend but for now I would have to live off of dry Cheerios, seeing as there was no milk. I didn't even like Cheerios, but it was Cheerios or starve, the latter didn't really appeal to me.

It had been a long day, settling into a new school is hard, it's even harder when the first friend you make is a little...well odd.

I went to bed quite early, having sorted out my bag and books for the next day, I had a quick shower, changed into my pyjamas and got into bed. The sheets were the ones I had at home, light green, with white pillows. they reminded me of home, I buried myself deeper and deeper until I was nearly at the end of my bed, I decided to make a home there. I fell asleep moments after getting comfy, I dreamt of Sherlock, I normally dreamt, in fact I always dreamt of my father, usually mimicking the death scenes from the old war movies we used to watch.

It was refreshing to have a new topic to dream of, though a lot of things were changing and so rapidly, it made me sick, I realised I was going to be sick and rushed into the bathroom clutching my stomach. I just managed to get to the toilet before I threw up. Anderson my room-mate came to the door way saying" dude you okay?" I shook my head, I was scared that if I uttered a single word I would throw up again. He didn't bother to stay with me, who could blame him it was 3 o'clock in the morning and he had class that day.

I cleaned up and lay on top of the covers on my bed staring at the ceiling. It was too late , and besides Anderson was asleep so I couldn't confront him yet, so I would wait till morning to ask about the grudge he held against Sherlock.

I didn't sleep again that night, only thought about Sherlock, maybe I loved him, perhaps it was idle curiosity or just how different he was but I couldn't stop thinking about him.

His pale, smooth skin, his deep blue eyes, his thick, dark, curly hair, I wanted to run my fingers through it, then I thought of his long, thin fingers, so pale and bony yet so pristine and beautiful.

But I wasn't gay, why was I thinking about him this way, all I knew was that Sherlock wasn't gay, after all he had dated the prettiest girl in the year, and he hadn't mentioned any boyfriends, or other girlfriends for that matter. I didn't know, and I didn't care too much either, I was a very imaginative person, and I already had a good enough picture of Sherlock in my mind to dream up anything I wanted to.

My alarm clock went off at 6:00am and I had only slept for a few hours, that was before I threw up. I turned over to see that Anderson was awake and staring at me. " can I help you?" I said a little annoyed at the fact I didn't know how long he had been looking at me.

"Well, no not really, but you said we would talk, before that though are you okay now, you were throwing up for like an hour" he seemed genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I'm alright, so we were going to talk, what do you have against Sherlock?"

"Who, oh freak, yeah he's just always been weird, plus he pissed off my girlfriend, Sally, you've probably heard of her, I don't really have anything personal against him, I just gotta stick by my Sally"

"You and sally, but she's gorgeous" I had to say that, it was just too tempting, I needed to annoy him, it was his face, it was the kind you just couldn't resist annoying.

"Yeah, me and Sally, she loves me, so don't you think you can wiggle your way in" he was getting angrier so I decided to get into the shower before I said something else.

I came out of the shower, got changed into jeans and a top, when I was dressed I gathered my things and left.


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm trying to upload as often as possible because I know how annoying it can be to have to wait ages for a fanfic to be updated, hope you enjoy :)**

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chapter 7

(Sherlock's POV)

Never in my life had I been lost for words, and somehow the new kid had done that to me. when I got to my room, I lay on my bed, as I tried to get comfy the silk, navy blue sheets rustled. I lay there for several hours, I had made a new file for John and everything I knew about him in my Mind Palace, I never wanted to forget any of it.

My room-mate stumbled in around 2:00am, 'a party on the first night, that wasn't like him, perhaps his new girlfriend dragged him along, oh no wait she dumped him yesterday so he wanted to get drunk and drown his sorrows' I thought as he began to vomit in the bathroom.

I wasn't fond of him, but it was sad that he thought that getting drunk would help, if anything it made it all worse.

"Eddie! Eddie!" someone called as they walked into my room, I assumed it was Jessica, my room mates ex. She looked down at me and said " have you seen Eddie?" she left me when she heard him vomiting in the bathroom, and ran to his side. In between heaves, I could hear her soothing "it's okay, I'm here, I'm never leaving you, I love you."

Happy endings, not my thing but oh well at least I wouldn't have to listen to him cry over her for a week.

Jessica got Eddie cleaned up and they snuggled up together on the sofa across the room. It was late, and obviously I wasn't going to sleep that night so I got my copy of 'the collector' off of my bedside table and began to read. I read the book cover to cover 3 times before I had to officially get ready for class. Jessica and Eddie had fallen asleep on the sofa, I snuck into the bathroom and turned on the shower so as not to disturb them.

I pulled a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket and a lighter. I opened the window, placed one between my lips and lit it. I inhaled deeply, and instantly relaxed. I went through a packet before actually getting into the shower. I climbed out, shut off the water and wrapped a towel around my waist. I prayed that Eddie was still asleep so that I could change without him seeing my arms. I walked out calmly and saw he was stirring a little. I went to my closet, took out a white shirt and some trousers, I quickly retreated to the bathroom. I wouldn't have time to re-dress the cuts on my arms so I just put the shirt on without any bandages.

"Morning" Eddie said yawning.

"Yes, morning" I replied, ' he's still a little out of it' I thought.

I went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee, this would allow me to function for a few hours before I would need a refill.

My first lesson was art, I decided I would go to John's room so that we could go together. As I crossed the canteen I saw John and started towards him, but Sally and some of her 'friends' stood in my way, I went to turn around but found I was surrounded.

" Going somewhere, freak?" she spat out the words.

I decided I wouldn't say anything, perhaps that would lessen the beating but my silence aggravated her more.

"Oh so you're not gonna talk to me then, well I'll teach you to ignore me" she swung at me and I fell to my knees, then one by one they each punched or kicked me until I had shrunk to bleeding pile on the floor. They left me, seemingly satisfied with their works. I tried to get to my feet but I was too dizzy. I saw a blurry figure come towards me, but from then on it was darkness.

(John's POV)

Sherlock walked towards me but someone blocked his path, I continued towards him until I saw him fall to his knees, then little by little I watched him beaten to a pulp. When the bullies had cleared, I ran over to him, he was on the floor, and was bleeding badly.

I knelt by him and tried to talk to him but he passed out. I called for help and soon Mrs Hudson, the nurse, came running towards me. She fiddled with her skirt before running back in the direction she came in.

A few minutes later she returned with Mr Jenkins the Gym teacher. I nearly cried, it was so sad to see such a brilliant character unconscious on the floor. Mr Jenkins picked Sherlock up and carried him to the medical room. I followed and sat by Sherlock until he woke up.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

(Sherlock's POV)

Slowly I opened my eyes allowing them to adjust to the lights of the...where was I...oh the medical room.

"Hey Sherlock" a visitor, I never had visitors when I was hurt, I turned to see that it was John, John had come to see me when I was hurting.

"Hello John" I said but my voice was croaky as though I had a lump in my throat, which I did, I wanted to cry. I was happy to have John here, but I was so weak and helpless and he could see me.

"It's okay" he said running his fingers through my hair, he had never done that before, but I liked it, it was soothing.

I squinted, my ribs hurt so much.

"Do you want me to get you some pain killers?" he said looking rather worried.

"Pain is what makes us human" I said smiling, I gritted my teeth as the pain slowly increased, I didn't want to appear any weaker that I already had.

(John's POV)

I could see that Sherlock didn't want me to see his pain, but I could and it made me sad. I ran my thumb along a cut on his cheek, he tensed but relaxed a little when I looked into his eyes.

"John, you have to go to class, you know the rules" Mrs Hudson said from the hallway.

"A few more minutes" I called back quietly as to not give Sherlock a headache.

I told Sherlock I was sorry I had to leave, he said it was okay. as I walked out I heard him whisper to Mrs Hudson about more pain killers. I chuckled to myself and headed on towards the art room.

(Sherlock's POV)

I was given a week out of lessons, because I had two cracked ribs. I stayed in bed for the majority of this time, meaning I was unable to visit Mark or go for a smoke. by the end of my resting time I had nearly exploded the room, I was so bored.

John came to visit me everyday at lunch and after lesson time, he brought food and I felt compelled to eat it, just to see the smile on his face as I finished a sandwich.

Sally held back for a couple of days, mainly because she didn't want to get told off again. I was safe for two weeks, well safe from Sally not so much John though. He questioned me whenever he could, about why I had never learnt self-defence, or why I didn't tell someone? My reply was always the same ' I had never felt any need'

he came into my room a lot meaning i had to keep it tidy all the time. one day he came earlier than normal, I was lying on my bed with a small plastic bag of the white powder I loved so much, on full display. John now had a key to my room so walked in before I had a chance to clear up. his eyes darted from my eyes to my now bleeding nose to the bag on the table.

I sat up quickly and reached out for the bag to shove it under my bed, but my motions were slowed and he got to it first saying "Sherlock, this stuff isn't good for you" he then put it in the small black bag he had over his shoulder. i never saw it again. I didn't know what he had done with it but i knew he was very angry. he didn't talk about it for a few days but then he brought it up.

"why?" he asked I instantly knew what he was talking about.

"boredom" I said casually, looking out the window

"surely there are other things to keep your mind busy?" he sounded hopeful and my reply was like a dagger to his hope.

"Afraid not, it slows down my brain so that for a short while I'm normal"

"why would you want to be normal, you always say how dull it must be to have an average mind" he was shocked, and I was only going to shock him more.

"John, I love having my mind, but haven't you ever thought, the only reason I get bullied is because of my mind,when I'm high, I'm just like the rest of you, I fit in for a few hours" I said this sadly, I really was sad, it was true people beat me up because I was different and this was the only time I could be just like them.

john practically read my mind "Sherlock that's not true" I had nothing more to say and so we stayed silent for a short while.


	9. Chapter 9

chapter 9

(John's POV)

i carried on having dreams about Sherlock, but the ones i were having were very different to the first one i had, most of them involved Sherlock Dying, and i often woke up in a panicky state.

in some of them he was a soldier and was killed, but he was wearing my father's uniform. in the more disturbing ones, he jumped off a building. either way it was my best friend dying and i hated it.

after class one day i went to Sherlock's room and we snuggled on the couch while watching some crap reality TV show. I fell asleep in his arms, we had become more accustomed to hugging and cuddling since he had been beat up by sally a few months before, i had one of my nightmares, but this one was different, I was at the bottom if St Bart's and Sherlock was on the roof about to jump, he was talking to me on the phone, then it felt as if i had skipped a part in a movie, because suddenly he was on the floor in front of me bleeding, I took his pulse...there wasn't one.

(Sherlock's POV)

John had fallen asleep in my arms, after about ten minutes he began to toss and turn, saying ' no Sherlock no' I tried to wake him but it was no use, he started to sweat and i held him close to try to get through to him whispering' its okay John' into his ear.

he shot up breathlessly, his eyes wild, darting around the room until they fixed on me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and sobbed into my shirt saying ' i love you Sherlock, please don't leave me' I told him i would never do that and held him tight against my chest. i felt a tear roll down my face, no one had ever said they loved me, not even my mother, she probably did but never told me and here was the boy i had loved since i set eyes on him, telling me he loved me.

"I love you John, I'm never going to leave you"

we stayed like that for an hour or so until John felt it was safe to let go. " so you really love me?" he asked wiping a tear from him cheek.

"since the moment I first set my eyes on you" I said smiling.

" oh Sherlock, I love you, but I'm not gay I don't think" he said his face falling.

I reassured him I didn't think I was gay either. we decided we probably were.

"Sherls?" he mumbled, he decided that name suited me so had started calling me that

"mhm" I replied.

" I've never..you know done it with a guy" he bowed his head in embarrassment.

"Don't worry, ill take you through it slowly"

"so you've done it with a guy before?" he sounded surprised, then I remembered I had told him I wasn't gay.

" I have, but I assure you it meant nothing, my dealer, Mark he's gay and I didn't have any money to pay him, so yeah"

"oh" John sounded relieved " I don't think I'm ready just yet though, soon maybe"

"i told you John ill take it slow, whenever your ready" we smiled at each other

John went back to his room to get some sleep and we decided in the morning we would go to reception and ask about having John and Eddie swap so that we could be closer.

* * *

**Sorry this one is so short, hope you liked it :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**This one is quite graphic so if you want to skip it you wont be missing much I cringed while I was writing this so it's okay :)**

chapter 10

(John's POV)

The next morning before lessons we spoke to Anderson and Eddie and they seemed over joyed to not have to share rooms with us, the ladies at reception said if we could move our things within the week they would change the rooms.

It was different now that I didn't have to walk across the school to see Sherlock he was only a couple of meters away and if we had separate lessons, we would text each other throughout.

Most evenings Sherlock would play his violin for me to help me sleep and the distance between each nightmare increased until I was having less than one a month.

We had resulted in calling ourselves a couple but only in private, any kids that came out at St Bart's got bullied, and half the school already hated us so we kept our relationship a secret.

One night I whispered to Sherlock "I think I'm ready to you know...try something" he looked at me surprised and excited. We decided it would be best if he take me first, I desperately wanted him inside me, and besides this way I could observe in a sense.

We took off our trousers and underwear. I took off my t-shirt but Sherlock left his on. Maybe he was more comfortable this way. He slid on a condom and I got down on all fours and he rubbed the lube all over his cock. I moaned as he gently pressed his erection up against my opening "Jesus John, you're so tight" I giggled at this. " are you sure your ready John?" he asked I nodded a little excited, but I tried not to show it.

Sherlock slowly slid into me " John relax okay, because this will hurt if you don't"

I tried to relax but I couldn't, it hurt a lot but I love Sherlock and I wanted him in me.

After a few seconds I relaxed and he began thrusting, I was in pain and it wasn't the most pleasant think but as he quickened, I began to adjust and started to enjoy it more.

I squeezed the head of my cock and as he quickened his thrusting I quickened my hand movements. I came and a second later so did he. He really let go and was so loud, I actually started to consider what I would say if someone from down the hall came to complain, I had never seen him so relaxed before, we lay beside each other for a few seconds before he slipped out and went to the bathroom to clean up.

I was still a little numb but it was okay, I kinda liked it.

He walked back in still wearing his shirt, surely he was hot by now.

He came over and lay beside me under the covers, I had my back to him so he just drew patterns on my back with his fingers.

We had sex every night for a week but soon realised we couldn't keep up so decided to only do it a couple of nights a week.

(Sherlock's POV)

John adjusted surprisingly well considering. When he took me it was a little different, he was so gentle, I encouraged him to go harder but I guessed it would improve with time. Our pace slowed as time went on and I continued to wear a shirt during sex. I don't think he minded too much, I just didn't want him to see how weak and pathetic I was.

* * *

**So that's that, it's really short because I didn't want to drag this one out too much :)**


	11. Chapter 11

chapter 11

(John's POV)

One night as we were about to have sex, I asked Sherlock to take off his shirt, he froze, he unbuttoned it slowly, then left it. "What's wrong Sherly?" I said as he stood there, his head hung in shame, his thick curls bobbed for a moment then hung limply.

Inch by inch he shrugged off the purple silk shirt he was wearing, it slid down his arms and fell to the floor. It was then that I saw what he had been hiding. I looked up and down his arm, ten years of damage at least, his wrists were riddled with scars and cuts. this pale muscular arms had been sliced open so many times, and quite recently, some of the cuts were only a few weeks old. I walked slowly towards him he stepped back but was met by the wall. "Sherlock?" I said gently, he refused to make eye contact with me. I took his arms in my hands, it's okay I said quietly.

I had seen Sherlock's happy tears but I had never seen him such a mess. He began shaking violently and sobbed. I grabbed his long coat from the hanger on the door and wrapped it around his shoulders. He fell to the floor in a heap.

I knelt in front of him, my poor genius was broken. We sat there for what seemed like forever, I hugged him and ran my fingers through his long curly locks; so wild and lively before, they now hung dead.

I leaned back, took his chin and lifted his head so that his teary blue eyes would meet my reassuring ones. "Sherlock Holmes, I love you and nothing is ever going to change that" he looked at me for a moment then grabbed me round the waist and held me close, still sobbing. I soothed him till morning, it was a Saturday so we didn't have to worry about getting to class.

We got dressed and stayed in bed all morning, just cuddling. Eventually we sat up, I went to the kettle to make him a cup of tea. I came back to find him right where I had left him. I handed him the cup saying "Sherlock I don't expect you to tell me right away but whenever your ready, I'm a good listener." I tried to sound reassuring but i was so worried, obviously he was hurting and felt that inflicting pain on himself was the right way to go.

(Sherlock's POV)

It was so humiliating, having someone see me such a mess, I hadn't cried in front of someone since the first time my father beat me and that was when I was a small child.

When John came back from making tea and told me he was a good listener I felt like laughing in his face, perhaps he was but I wasn't willing to take that chance.

I put the cup down on the bedside table after taking a sip. Then John did something I never expected him to do, he took my arm, and rolled up the sleeve of my jumper. I tried to pull back but his grip was so strong. He then lowered his head and kissed every cut, every make that I had ever made on my arms.

Before I knew it I had tears streaming down my cheeks and i was shaking again, he finished kissed and held me close. We hugged for a while and kissed too, it was nice, sad but nice.


	12. Chapter 12

chapter 12

(John's POV)

That night Sherlock asked me if I loved him, obviously the answer was yes but I was a little shocked he felt he had to ask. Maybe I wasn't saying it enough, or perhaps he wanted to reassure himself. I wasn't sure, but he had never asked me that before so I was a little worried.

"Why do you ask?" I asked him after several minutes of wondering.

"I just wanted to make sure, you know so much about me and I just needed to know if I was opening up to the right person" He explained.

"And are you?" I asked intrigued.

"I think so" He smiled and I was satisfied with that.

We fell asleep quite late, we watched some crap telly and talked for a while, but the time went so quickly.

(Sherlock's POV)

I woke up before John and it was a sunday so I decided to make him some tea, I would have made him breakfast in bed but I can't cook.

I came in with two mugs of tea, he was awake and sitting up when I came in. I handed him the cup and snuggled up next to him.

"Anything you wanted to do today?" I asked.

"I kinda just want to spend time in bed with you, but if you want to do something I don't mind." He replied.

"Nah, I'm fine with another lazy day.

We watched tv for a few hours, well, John watched and I shouted abuse at Jeremy Kyle.

John went out to get some shopping giving me an hour of free time. Ten minutes after he left, I ran into the bathroom, and found my stash.

I forced a fag between my lips and lit it, I was absolutely gasping, John didn't like me smoking so when he was out I leapt at the opportunity.

I sprayed the room with air freshener and changed into a jumper and some jogging bottoms so that John wouldn't know what I had been up to while he was out.

I turned on the shower and dislodged a tile from the floor. I took out a blade, I had missed it a lot. I took it to my wrist, then John's face popped into my head. Nothing had ever stopped me from cutting, but now all I could see was John. I locked the door and sat in the shower, fully clothed.

I sat with the cold blade held to my arm, not sure whether to cut or not.

(John's POV)

I finished the shopping early and decided I would surprise Sherlock. I bought him a bar of dark chocolate; his favourite.

I unlocked the door and walked in, I heard the shower running so I assumed he was taking a shower. I went to the kitchen to put the shopping away. As I was putting the milk away I heard Sherlock cry out.

I ran round to the bathroom and banged loudly on the door, I got no reply so I took a few steps back, then charged at the door. I repeated this several times until the lock broke off the door. I walked in and found Sherlock in the shower, fully clothed and his arms were covered in blood.

I knelt next to him, and stroked his back, he was crying. I picked him up off the floor and helped him into the kitchen. I sat him down at the dining table and went to get the first aid kit.

Not once while I was stitching him up did he look up at me. I went to get some dry clothes for him. He changed into them facing away from me. I stared at his scarred back. There were many scars that looked like they had been made by a whip, but one stood out to me. It was a curved scar on his side. It was the worst out of all the scars I had seen.

I was confused, why did Sherlock had all these scars on his back?

When he was dressed in the white shirt and dark jeans I had picked out for him he sat down again and didn't speak.


End file.
